not so deep (chatty)

writing here and writing there

Hi loves,

I’ve mentioned this before – the fact that before I started a blog, I never used to share my writing anywhere. For years I would only ever use journals, and I still do, but my main journal where I would usually write, I don’t anymore…not half as much. Everything that I would normally write in there, I write here instead now because I know I can elaborate on it and turn it into something I can share with you guys, which is what I want.

Like I said, I still journal (I think I’ve told you guys before that I have a lot of journals, each one for a different thing) but the main one where I would just flip to the next page and pour my deepest thoughts out without even thinking, I don’t do that anymore…because I do it all here instead. I miss it and I don’t really know why I’m even making this post but I’m just a little…eh. I want to be able to do both but I feel like I can’t, and I really miss it. I’m a writer, and I still write of course, just not in the way that I used to. I feel like I’ve lost the authenticity of grabbing my journal and writing until I feel like my arm’s about to fall off – now I reach straight for my laptop instead and start typing. It’s like, I know that electronically I can get my words out faster whilst also being able to write something that I can share with you guys because I love being personal with you all, sometimes I think it’s nice to share things that other people necessarily wouldn’t, because I always want people to know they’re not alone in whatever it is they’re feeling.

I need a way that I can do both, but I don’t really know how, now. I was thinking that when I have thoughts like the ones I would usually journal, I should make sure I reach for that first before wanting to grab my laptop, so I can write everything out like I used to and then if I want to make a blog post out of it I can just transfer everything over afterwards…but I don’t know. It still doesn’t really feel authentic to me, I feel like I’d just be journalling knowing that whatever I wrote would get turned into a blog post and so I’d probably filter / change what I was going to write, instead of just pouring my heart out – does that make sense?

I don’t know, I’m rambling. It’s late and this is a prime example of something I would normally write in my journal, but because I have this little space on the internet now I just write it here instead. I’m absolutely not complaining, I’m just trying to figure out a way of doing both. I love writing and being authentic and I feel like I’ve lost the authenticity of actuallyย writingย by transferring everything over to the internet, know what I mean? I miss holding a pen in my hand, basically. I went to get my journal out before I started typing this post but my mind went blank, because I didn’t really know what I was going to write. I don’t know. Flicking through my journals is like stepping back in time and watching the process of my mind – a journey of the days, weeks, months of my life and the things that have happened in them, and now I don’t really document that anymore.

I’ve stopped documenting and instead, used the topic of my thoughts as conversational points for blog posts and so for example instead of writing / documenting in my journal something that I’m feeling, I’ll turn it into a blog post instead, and so now it feels like everything is just a mish mash sporadically placed here, there and everywhere, nothing really feels coherent anymore because I’ve dotted things in all these different places and now all I want to do is pick up a pen and write something, but I have nothing to write.

I started this blog as a way to share my writing, but instead of sharing it I’ve kind of let it take the place of my actual journal, if that makes sense – and now I’m in this big confusion of how to kind of undo that and ensure that I’m still able to do both things, because before I’m a blogger or a personality or…I don’t know, whatever I am, I am a writer. Before I am anything else, I am always a writer, and I don’t want to lose that.

I don’t know, I don’t even think this makes sense but I thought I’d say it anyway ’cause you know, that’s what this is here for.

(or is it?)

All my love,

Chloe .xx

15 thoughts on “writing here and writing there

  1. Beautiful written post like always ๐Ÿ’œ I buy a lot of notebooks and I used to have a diary but now I also don’t write in it. I miss it too but it feels like it’s easier to blog and write about it online. I use my journals for writing lists. I also like to have my scrapbook and write about travels

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have both a journal and of course my blog! I know what you mean, there’s something really lovely about pen to paper, scribbling down thoughts, drawing little pictures – you know. I feel as though I always reach for my journal whenever I feel really overwhelmed and out of control of things, and then I look back on situations and decide whether to convert them into blog posts if I feel like it may help others! It’s tricky because you don’t want to be constantly repeating your writing!xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! I used to turn my journal excerpts into blog posts which I loved because I had the authenticity of both and I wasn’t just journaling things for the purpose of turning them into electronic passages I could share with everyone. Now I’m finding myself reaching for my laptop instead of my journal and not writing anything down because I’ve already said everything on my blog instead! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful post as always! I can completely relate to where you’re coming from – I used to journal and keep a pretty regular diary, but since I started blogging the only form of writing I really do is on the blog or in my bu-jo ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you find the balance that suites you โค xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I always use my journal for mindless writing where I’m not worrying about grammar or spelling or how it sounds and am just writing whereas I use my blog post for structured, well-put-together posts. Hope you find the balance you seek. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “the authenticity of grabbing my journal and writing until I feel like my armโ€™s about to fall off” is exactly what I love about writing so much. I had the same problem more or less a while back – I felt like I was putting everything into my blog and nothing into my journal anymore. Sometimes the messy thoughts are the thoughts worth hanging on to. I kind of did find a solution to my dilemma though – what I do now is when I feel the need to let everything out I will pick up my journal and just write. Then if I’m feeling like I could turn it into a blog post I will write about everything in a more reflective way, trying to come up with causes and solutions. When I first started to put more attention on my journal again, I started writing down a short paragraph at the end of each week to sum up how I had been feeling, what had happened and things that had made me smile. Maybe you can start from there. I now see my blog and my journal as two separate things with two separate purposes. Lovely post as always Chloe xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this! When I first started my blog I was doing exactly the same and turning journal entries into blog posts, but now I just turn everything into a blog post without necessarily going through the messy writing stage first. Since first writing this post I’ve made a really conscious change to start going ‘back to my roots’ as it were and making sure all the messy stuff gets written still, because that’s the thing I love the most – being authentic and raw. This was really helpful and again – thank you so much for this! xx

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.