my body is not like her body (and that’s okay)

Hi loves,

Another post about body image today, I’ve had this one kind of swirling around in my mind for a while now but I never felt like it was the right time to try and write it, until today.

Over the past 6 months or so I’ve stopped worrying so much about starving and torturing myself in order to fit a certain number on the scales or reach my ‘goal weight’ – as I said in this post, nothing I ever seem to do is enough anyway – even when I do reach that goal weight or lose x amount of pounds, I’m still unhappy, and it’s because it’s a mental thing – it’s the way that I see myself.

Lately, something that I heard a while ago has really been on my mind and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It was during this Tanya Burr video where she talks about body confidence and she gives the example that her friend Zoe (Sugg) has a completely different body type than her and therefore she would never look at Zoe and think wow, I want to look like that, because she knows it’s not achievable – her body is simply not made in the same way and therefore nothing that she could ever do would allow her to look the same way that Zoe does. She has accepted that she will never have this kind of figure because her body just isn’t like that and she accepts and loves herself for what she is anyway – in her own words – “Zoe’s figure is beautiful, but so is mine”. She says that Cara Delevingne for example, has a gorgeous figure but she shouldn’t be idolising that because it’s just not attainable for her.

This factor is so, so important.

I have realised that the reason I am so unsatisfied with my own body is because I’m looking at people with bodies I cannot achieve, therefore my results will never be good enough and I beat myself up again and again over it – it’s one vicious cycle. What I fail to realise is that I’m idolising people with body types I simply cannot have because I’m not built in that way, and even if I did manage to starve myself to a point of looking like that person, I still wouldn’t be able to sustain it – it wouldn’t be achievable for me.

Let’s take Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande for example – two completely different body types, two completely beautiful women. If Demi spent her whole life idolising Ariana and wishing she could achieve her body, it would probably make her ill – mentally and physically. Demi is simply not built like Ariana and even if she did manage to achieve Ariana’s figure, it wouldn’t be sustainable because Demi is simply not made that way, and vice versa.

Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes and when you spend your life wishing and longing to have a body type that isn’t yours, it can be very damaging. Just like Tanya said, body confidence is about accepting yourself the way you are – why waste time longing for a body you can’t have? Why make yourself ill to have something that was never meant to be yours? I’m very conscious with the people I choose to look up to now in terms of ‘body goals’, I look at people whose bodies I can achieve – bodies that are more like mine. My body type is definitely a Demi or Tanya rather than a Zoe or Ariana, and that’s absolutely fine (and vice versa). I feel like the whole realisation of this point is kind of obvious yet it’s something people don’t seem to understand or figure out and I just can’t understand why, even for myself this whole realisation never even came to light until I heard Tanya say it out loud in that video. I’d never even thought of it.

I’m not saying that if you want to achieve a certain body type that’s different from your own then you will never be able to achieve it, rather, you may be able to achieve it, but will you be able to sustain it? I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve seen female celebrities lose so much weight that they drop down to a dress size 8 but then go back up to a 10-12 because they said they were so miserable at the smaller size since they couldn’t sustain it – they literally couldn’t eat anything. That is not healthy.  A body type is a lifestyle, not a diet.

Everyone is beautiful in their own individual way and everyone’s body is different – no two are the same. Try not to idolise people with thigh gaps and flat chests if your body is naturally more curvy and you know damn well there’s no getting rid of your boobs, you know? Look at people with similar body types to you and use them for inspiration instead – which parts of their body would you like to achieve? What kind of clothes are they wearing? How are they presenting themselves?

Unrealistic expectations will damage you in more ways than one. Do not make yourself ill for a body that was never meant to be yours – something I have done more times than I’d like to remember.

There’s a quote (supposedly) by Albert Einstein that I’m sure a lot of you will have heard, and it’s this:

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid”.

I’m going to (badly) rewrite it for a second in hopes of essentially summarising what I’m trying to say here:

“If you judge an elephant by its ability to be the same size as a mouse, it will live its whole life believing that it is too much.”

(and no, I’m not calling anyone an elephant or a mouse – it’s a (bad) figure of speech, but you get the idea)

Always stay safe and remember you are wonderful just the way you are.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

39 thoughts on “my body is not like her body (and that’s okay)

  1. YES YES YES!! It’s funny because I’ve never really thought about it like that until just now that I’ve read your post. I struggle with body image badly, wishing I looked like the girls I see on Instagram, when actually I may never actually be able to look like that..I recently actually unfollowed lots of people of Instagram who made my self worth suffer and it has made a real difference! But also knowing this little snippet of information has opened my eyes a little bit more – thank you x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Literally I had exactly the same reaction!! I was like…this is SO obvious yet for some reason it’s never crossed my mind? At all??? So weird – I had to write about it because I just couldn’t believe I’d never realised it myself, also having a social media clearout like you have is always a great idea, every few months or so I’ll go through all my socials and unfollow anyone who doesn’t make me feel good. Thanks for reading lovely xx


  2. I agree there are different body types – petite, broad boned, curvy, tall or short etc etc and we can never transform into something else. I am also the curvy types being labelled teddy, panda by friends and family alike and I am trying to get in better shape and I do follow fitness influencers on Instagram and you tube to stay motivated to hit the gym and try to eat clean food less of processed more of fresh, it helps too. The purpose is not to become someone else but better, healthier and stronger version of who I could be. I don’t weigh myself but would love to see results though. It’s more about the feeling, the rush of endorphins, pushing your limits, respecting the body we live in and food we put in. Hot bodies don’t happen, they are carved with hardwork and focus. These celebs and models have to live a restricted life and slay themselves in gyms to get there, and as you said not everyone’s bodies are equally responsive to workout and different body types will look different despite the same score on weighing scale but still it’s about the rush of hormones that workout brings so don’t give up. Not about the goal alone but the journey !!
    Keep pushing !!
    Much love 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comments always make my day!! I couldn’t have said it better myself – “The purpose is not to become someone else but a better, healthier and stronger version of who I could be.” – exactly!! I’ve stopped weighing myself because the number on the scales mean nothing and seeing comparisons of that on Instagram has actually really helped me with realising that one. Thank you so much for reading!! Lots of love to you girl xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww
        I am glad it makes you happier 😊
        Yes numbers are misleading, best is listen to your own body. Love to read your contents, they are so real, liberating and genuine that I look forward to it.
        Much love 😍✨✨
        Big hug 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is just such a beautiful and important post that everybody has to read ❤ You are beautiful. My body size is like Ariana. I used to get bullied sometimes for not having big boobs or being skinny like they said to me that I have anorexia when it ain’t true. Now, I know those people were just jealous about me. This is my body size and this is just the way I’m. Everyone has a different body size and all is beautiful. It makes you you and unique.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The amount of times as a teenager that I tried to look like Audrey! All my friends were super slim like her, and I remember getting hips in high school and trying to starve them away. Then I was like okay – let’s be Marilyn but then my hips wouldn’t grow!
    It’s crazy how society makes body shapes become fashion, and someone somewhere will never make the cut. But just like you said, both and all can be beautiful.
    Our bodies are fricking powerful and our only homes to keep us on this life. I’m so glad you’re not comparing! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly! The idea of perfection doesn’t exist and what’s portrayed in the media is never real anyway so in that sense, I guess none of us make the cut. None of us are perfect! Thanks for reading lovely xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’M REWRITING IT, YOU JUST TRY AND STOP ME WORDPRESS #downwiththeman. (#jkwordpressiloveyou) Anyways…

    Girl I, as always, LOVE this post. And I’m so so proud of you for accepting that you are beautiful and you don’t need to change; self love is so fucking hard, especially in a world constantly telling you that you AREN’T enough. I think the example you used with Demi and Ari is fucking perfect… Both are beautiful beautiful girls, with gorgeous body types, but neither could be the other. Demi would have to literally starve herself and Ari would constantly feel non-sexy or like she looks like a child if she constantly compared to Demi. From the outside in, it’s easy to go “okay but they’re both gorgeous” but when it’s you comparing yourself to someone else…. it’s not that simple.

    Weirdly enough, how you mentioned looking up to girls with your own body type is actually something I did with race. When I was a lot younger, I used to have a really white standard of beauty (like the white side of my family; I spent a lot of time growing up with them and wanted to fit in). Looking up to all these people I physically could never look like…was awful for my self esteem. And the same happened with my black family! I’m this weird inbetween thing that looks like nobody LOL. Everything I thought was beautiful… looked nothing like me.

    So I started looking at people that looked more like me; with my colouring, my hair type etc….and they were beautiful! And once I started seeing things that looked like me that were beautiful I started to believe that I could be beautiful too. Honestly I loved this post, I really hope you know you’re absolutely perfect and beautiful inside and out ❤ ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. GIRRRRRRL why are you the sweetest person EVER and how do you ALWAYS manage to sum up my entire posts in literal single paragraphs… can I hire you as my editor please. Literally the thing you said with Demi & Ari is spot on – if they both compared themselves to each other they would NEVER think they were enough and it breaks my heart to even imagine it because they’re both so beautiful and magical in their own ways, and when you think that that literally happens with girls every single day in general life it’s such a sad feeling. Again, amen to it not being so easy to see it yourself – if you don’t believe something yourself, none of it even matters. If 100 people tell you you’re beautiful but you don’t think that yourself, you’re never going to believe it – it means absolutely nothing.

      It can be applied to pretty much all aspects and yes definitely race – I wanted to talk about that in this post but I definitely don’t feel like I’m in a position to discuss / represent it because I’ve never experienced it myself if you know what I mean, so I’m definitely not about to speak for other people, but I’ve heard a lot of people saying the same thing and “I’m this weird inbetween thing that looks like nobody” was SO cute let me hug you please !! You’re this gorgeous magical individual and hey if you’re inbetween, you can have the best of both worlds right?! Who’s to tell you no?! I remember when the body positive movement first started coming out on Instagram and stuff and I saw a photo from this girl I was following who had a similar body type to me and I was like wow, so I went and stood in the mirror and looked at my body and both of our bodies were pretty much the same and I thought she looked BEAUTIFUL, and that was the first time I think I found something in myself worth seeing, I’ll never forget that.

      Thank you so so much for this you are a literal angel and I have SO much love for you, you are magical ❤❤xx

      Liked by 2 people

  6. this is a really interesting post. its also important to notice that companies use models who all have the same body type so put this stupid idea in our heads that everyone must look this certain way and its simply not possible!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Needed to read this post! I’m struggling A LOT lately with eating and how I see my body, which isn’t fun at all but this post has definitely hit me. Thank you for writing this lovely xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So glad it did – thank you for reading. I’m forever looking at certain girls and hating myself for not having their body but now I realised that I just CAN’T have their body because mine is simply just not made in the same way. We’re all beautiful in our own ways xxx


  8. This is such an honest post and I love you for uploading it. I used to struggle so badly with my weight and always compared myself. So thank you, I definitely needed to read this. You are so inspiring!!xx

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Such a great post and important topic! Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. It’s easier said than done but self-love is a habit worth investing and developing in. Comparison will always be the thief of joy.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I LOVE THIS! such an important topic & so true that people shouldn’t try to attain a body type that is just totally nothing like their own. love the idea of accepting yourself just the way you are 🙂 such a great message!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I couldn’t agree more with this post! Just to add to it, when I try to lose weight – I fail or even gain more. When I let go and just focus on myself and being happy with my life – well, guess what? I lose some weight!

    Liked by 2 people

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