not so deep (chatty)

standing by your word

Hi loves,

Recently as I’ve been growing and changing in order to handle myself better in situations, I’ve been very conscious about the things I say. For example, when people get angry they say things they don’t mean, when they’re happy they make promises they can’t keep and when they’re sad they make rash decisions that will never end well. Over time as I’ve (literally) been confronting certain demons / aspects of my life I’ve had to lay my cards on the table and say okay, this is how I feel – here’s the truth.

I’ve thought very carefully about what I’ve said to people, not because I’m trying to be sneaky or lie to them, but because I know that once I’ve put those words / opinions out there, I can’t take them back. I have to be very sure of what I say and stand by it – I have to back myself, basically. I have to trust that what I said was right and stand by it, so I have to take extra care when saying things.

Obviously, confronting these demons (people) means I was prepared for a lot of backlash and dispute, because the second you begin to put shitty people in their place, they don’t like it. They’re ignorant and only see things through tunnel vision therefore unless you have the same viewpoint as them, you’re wrong. I very carefully thought out my ‘argument’ and once they (unsurprisingly) began to argue against it I kind of sat back and was like hey, I said what I said.

I think it’s the idea of having no regrets basically, I never want to be in a situation where I’ve been arguing with someone who was in the wrong and then have a fit of rage where I also say things I shouldn’t, as this then makes me look childish and forces me to apologise (which I have no problem doing, but it takes away from the initial point of the argument which was the fact the other person was in the wrong, but because I’ve now messed up as well, they can use it against me).

I’ve said this before but I’m a very empathetic person and always try to see things from other people’s perspectives before reacting to a situation, but sometimes other people are just plain wrong, and that’s it. It took me a long time to get the courage to actually confront these people and say hey, even though you’ve tried to make me feel guilty here, I did nothing wrong and this was all down to you. I won’t take the blame for it. I did this nearly a year ago now with someone and I still stand by every word I said during that time, it’s refreshing to not feel embarrassed or have to go back on my word as such by saying “yeah actually, I did say a few things I shouldn’t have”.

I’m learning to trust myself and stand by myself, other people will do anything they can to manipulate you into feeling like you’re a bad person and that everything was all your fault and therefore you should apologise. Once you get the courage to tell them they’re talking shit, basically, this power comes over you and you know you’ll never go back to apologising for things that were never your fault. I carefully think out my argument and then let it out into the world, knowing I won’t regret it or want to take it back. Even months down the line when people try to come back and bring it up again, I literally reference myself because everything I said before still stands.

Susan over here will be trying to bring up an issue we argued over 4 months ago and I will say “Well Susan, as I said previously when we discussed this before, the reason you didn’t x / y / z was because x / y / z” and when Susan again tries to argue this again with me, I will sit back and say “Susan, I said what I said.”

Do you know how freeing that is to not constantly argue again and again over something, because you already put your carefully thought out argument / opinion out there and therefore have nothing else to say? Because you don’t need to go back on your word? Because everything you said is still relevant and still stands? SO FREEING. And such a time and energy saver.

Honestly, take the extra few minutes to calm down, get a level head, review all opinions / viewpoints and then carefully think out your ‘argument’ and put it out there into the world. Job done. You then don’t need to waste time and energy in the future re-arguing over the same thing because you said what you said and you stand by it. End of.

There’s really no point to this post other than the fact this is something I’ve been doing a lot lately and it’s honestly such a great feeling to basically trust your own word and know that what you said was the mature and correct way to handle the situation.

And if anyone wants to dispute this post? I said what I said.

I’m kidding. Let me know what you think anyways.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

15 thoughts on “standing by your word

  1. This post is so beautiful as always ❤ I’m also a very empathetic person and always try to understand others opinions. I’m sometimes afraid to stand by my opinion because of feeling intimitated by other people and fear. I would say one thing, then another and ramble because of insecurity. I’m learning to stand by my word and not let fear in the way. Being honest and having respect by standing by your word is just the best. I’m glad for you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My problem is I am not good at sticking to my word, I dwell on what I said and then apologise although this is something I am getting better at. I have a family member who’s decisions I don’t agree with and I even had her friends ask me to talk to her. I tried. Got all the excuses thrown at me and instead of retaliating. I left and now I don’t get involved. It sucks when that happens but sometimes you got to do what’s good for you and speaking about your emotions should be a good thing. All I hope is that one day they can see it from your perspective. Thanks for sharing and helping us think about our actions, too. Wishing you all the best xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I used to do that a lot – I’d say things and then feel guilty and convince myself I was in the wrong, then end up apologising just to keep the peace. Once you learn that things aren’t your fault and all you’re doing is simply not allowing people to walk all over you, your mindset changes. You’re a good person and I’m sure your intentions always are too, so don’t let people make you feel as though you’re in the wrong – like you, I’ve learned to walk away from it now as it’s not worth my time. Hope you’re well lovely xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Chloe. It is amazing how many people are speaking about walking a way lately. I think it is something we learn as we get older. It is something I am still learning and feeling guilty is such a huge flaw of mine. Hate seeing people upset whatever the circumstances. Hope you are having a lovely day, Chloe 🙂 xx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Your way with words never fails to make me so inspired and get me thinking so deeply Chloe, and this was no different. I think personally, get level headed and calming down has been a downfall of mine in the past, especially because I can be quite an aggressive person with my words if I’m very heated, and it’s something I’ve been mindful to focus on. Since maturing a bit more, especially since leaving high school, I’ve taken the stance that unless what I have to say is necessary and fool-proof, I’d rather not say shit that can be misconstrued or misunderstood because I found that happening so much in high school when I would get into conflict. The amount of time so far that it’s saved me in having to back pedal or re-explain myself to further argue is incredible, but it’s also saved me so much energy and effort. Sometimes putting my foot down and being really abrupt with people who definitely don’t want to hear what I have to say is the hardest part for me, especially with close friends and family, but in the long run it’s what’s best for me. I’ve definitely had to learn the hard way that once you’ve said something, what’s out is out, but not I’m really putting into practice the art of projecting something mindful and purposeful, rather than talking to fill the space. I really loved this blog post Chloe, your recent pieces have been beautiful to read and think about xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohh Priya you’re so lovely. Like you, I can also get aggressive with my words when things get heated because I just get so frustrated, but then afterwards I think to myself “why the hell did I behave like that?” – it’s not me, and I’m not an aggressive person but I can get easily frustrated when in the heat of the moment, and it makes me disappointed in myself that I’d behave that way. It also makes me question the people I’m spending time with, because if they’re bringing that out of me, that’s not the way I want to act. I agree with everything you’ve said and I’m definitely with you on the fact that unless it’s necessary and foolproof, it’s better to say nothing at all – people love to twist your words and play Chinese whispers. Thank you for reading lovely, your words mean a lot as always xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been thinking about this recently as well. Just the other day on text, I was angry and close to just saying stuff for the sake of it. I can be bad at arguing, in the sense that I lash out and let my emotions get in the way.
    I’m trying to take steps back and pause as well. I only need about 30 minutes, for me to see a situation entirely differently. I love your way of response…I’ve already explained myself…that’s it. Love this post! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I get like that nowadays, I put my phone down and take a few minutes to collect myself. I just think, who am I fighting for here? Myself. Am I going to say things I don’t mean and therefore make myself look stupid? No. I try to rise above it, get a calm head and maturely word my answer. It’s really difficult to not let your emotions get in the way, I’ve been guilty of it many times. Thank you for reading lovely xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. By reading this post, I feel like you mastered the art of arguing. I think that there definitely is a big plus side to thinking before you speak and most of the time, I try to do that also. Like you said, you can definitely avoid a bunch of negative situations by taking the time to get your thoughts in order and say what you want to say. In some ways my anxiety has kind of always dictated that a little because I used to be so scared to say ANYTHING unless it was 100% and relevant.

    What I’ve learnt now, in my years of growing older, is that it can also be freeing to have certain people in your life with whom you don’t have to think – you just say what pops into your head and so do they. Obviously with arguments it’s different, but I actually quite enjoy having that absolute “freedom of speech” (haha) with my closest friends. I just feel comfortable enough to say anything around them without worrying if it sounds stupid or weird. (and I mean to be honest, I AM a little stupid and weird sometimes) Does that make sense?

    Such an expressive and amazing post, it really made me think xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ohhh you are so nice to me, couldn’t agree with what you said more. You always have such a great way of wording things! I too used to let my anxiety dictate my actions and whether I spoke out about things or not – I used to let people walk all over me because I was scared of saying anything because I never believed I was 100% in the right. What you said makes complete sense though and I too feel that around my friends – the argumentative side is definitely for people who aren’t on the same wavelength as me! Thank you for your wonderful words as always xxx


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