not so deep (chatty)

you have one new message (1)

Sometimes I have to unfollow people on social media because we don’t speak anymore but I still care about them, and seeing their face on my timeline hurts. I wish they knew it wasn’t personal, and that they didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not because I don’t like them anymore, or even necessarily that I don’t want to know what they’re up to, or see their face. It’s more like, I can’t let myself know what they’re up to, because I know it’ll never involve me again. I can’t let myself see their face, because I wish I could hold it and I know that I can’t. I wish I could tell them these things, but it’s not exactly like anyone’s going to welcome the message “hey sorry just thought I’d let you know I’m about to unfollow you on all social media platforms because seeing you live life without me gives me so much anxiety I can’t breathe” with open arms, or find it particularly normal. No one does that. No one’s going to do that. So I just silently unfollow, and pray that they don’t take it personally. I’m not saying we should be taking social media personally anyway because you know, it’s social media. Outside of the internet it doesn’t even exist. I’m just saying that I hope they don’t think it’s because I have any bad feelings towards them – if anything, it’s the opposite – it’s the good feelings I have towards them that make me feel like I have to unfollow, because it hurts, and sometimes I have to think about how I feel, and what superficial, pointless stuff like social media does to my brain. I can’t be feeling anxious every time I open up Instagram just in case I see that person on my timeline, and then feeling utterly terrible when I do. It’s like I have to tiptoe around my socials just in case they pop up somewhere because I’m trying so hard to avoid them. Out of sight, out of mind. So I have to unfollow, and it’s not that deep but I still think about it anyway, because if someone I thought I was good with unfollowed me on social media I’d wonder what I did wrong or why they suddenly didn’t like me anymore, and I’m not saying people care enough to even wonder that about me should they lose something as pointless as my Instagram follow, but I still think about it anyway. It still brings me guilt. So I wanted to write this because I have to think of myself sometimes, and sorry to use that cliche phrase but it’s not them, it’s me. It hurts to see these people and so, I don’t. I have to press the button and leave it alone. I just hope they know that I still love them, regardless of the fact that seeing their face now makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I’m sorry. It’s me that has to deal with the feelings, because I know they’re okay and I know it doesn’t affect them the same way it does me, so I have to put myself first and think about what I need. Social media does no good for anyone anyway.

I should probably get off it.

17 thoughts on “you have one new message (1)

  1. I completely agree with everything you have said. I really struggle with seeing old friends and exes on instagram, I also struggle with certain girls I compare myself too and I am sure they are so kind but it makes me feel so so horrible when I see picture perfect women. So I absolutely adore this, thank you for sharing honey xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can understand you so well. I also have some friends that I don’t speak anymore. It hurts me to see them living their happy life without me because we used to be together. It’s good to do things for you as you have to think about yourself too 💗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree, I have to unfollow old friends sometimes because it does hurt to see that they have gone on to a different path to me and I don’t think our paths will join up ever again, it’s easier to not see their journey.
    I detox myself from social media all the time, it feels great not going on there but then I miss the connections I have with others that enjoy doing what I do but you only hear about it if you go on social media.
    I once had a friend tell me – I put it up on Facebook over a month ago, just go on there and you will see how my holiday was 😳 all I thought was, huh you can’t tell me how it was? Bloody Facebook grrr

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It’s easier not to see it and sometimes I think we just have to put ourselves first and recognise what’s best for us, and unfortunately sometimes that means doing things such as unfollowing people, even though they haven’t done anything wrong and you have no bad feelings towards that. I feel like your friend’s comment is today’s world summed up perfectly haha – just have a look on Facebook !! Amazing. What happened to talking and flipping through photo albums hey! xx


  4. I wish I can have friends online, but my parents doesn’t allow me to have an IG account, TWT account or other social media acc. Like facebook. Only email. I’m scared also. Some might hack my account and steal my private things in that media. I agree with you. Sometimes it hurts inside and you can’t let go of it. You can love yourself for who you are always. 💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “It’s more like, I can’t let myself know what they’re up to, because I know it’ll never involve me again.” This keeps me up at night. Like I love you and I’m forever changed by who you are and what you mean to me but it hurts knowing we’ll never have what we had again. It’s the kind of thing that keeps me up all night. I’m so so proud of you for putting your well-being first 💗 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Everything you’re saying makes sense, you’re not alone. I’ve done this as well. Sometimes it’s just too hard to know what’s going on with someone who no longer involves you in their life. It’s important to take care of yourself. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s a bit hard nowadays to maintain friendships, I do unfollow some of my friends that we don’t talk anymore and it’s fine. Rather than holding on to the feelings, its better to let it go and move on, probably open up another door for others.

    Liked by 1 person

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