not so deep (chatty)

being ill has actually done me good

Hi loves,

I feel like I’ve been a little absent this week, I know it’s only Thursday and you probably haven’t even noticed since I’ve still been uploading and stuff, but for about 6 days now I’ve been really ill. I”m actually very lucky in the sense that I rarely get ill – maybe once a year if that – and when I do it’s always for the same thing – the worst flu / cough / cold situation known to man.

So you can guess what I’ve been bogged down with for the past week.

It started on Saturday night when I could feel it coming on me and then by Sunday morning when I woke up it was just a full blown disaster, I felt like my head had been blown off. Since then it’s like my body has decided that each day it’s going to focus on a different part of having the flu and so I’ve just been lying in bed all day sleeping and feeling sorry for myself. Currently I’m still completely bunged up and I can’t hear out of both of my ears because they’re blocked but the headaches, earaches, sore throat, excessive coughing / sneezing etc. seems to have subsided so hopefully it’s beginning to work it’s way out of my system – and thank the Lord.

However, I do have one thing to say. Being ill this past week has actually been…good for me? Apart from my body being in physical hell, mentally I haven’t been able to think about a damn thing and it’s actually done me the world of good – I don’t know if this is going to make sense.

All I’ve done is sleep, and in the hours that I’ve been awake I’ve just watched comfort TV – I haven’t thought about a single thing else – my mind didn’t even try to wander once. I think because my body was so physically run down, it just simply didn’t have the energy to do anything other than just lie there and watch whatever show was on in front of me, and even though it’s been horrible because I’ve felt like an absolute bag of you know what, I haven’t had a single symptom of anxiety / depression / mental illness for a whole week now, and why? Because I couldn’t think.

I couldn’t think about anything or anyone, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t worry, couldn’t make up stupid scenarios in my head, couldn’t care about what I looked like, just nothing. My brain was in off mode. I’ve just been curled up in bed watching my favourite shows and like I said, even though physically it’s been utter hell, mentally it’s been bliss.

Now, am I proposing that somebody remove my brain in order for me to stop being able to think for the rest of my life?

Yes, yes I am.

All jokes aside though I have seriously enjoyed it, as weird and as crazy as that may sound. I’ve actually felt like a normal person for a whole week now, and now I can feel everything slowly but surely working its way out of my system in order for me to feel better again, there’s a slight part of me that wants to cling onto it for a little bit longer because I know that once I’m better I’ll go back to reality and everything will come rushing back to me again, which is something I don’t want.

When you’re ill it’s like you’re just in your own bubble completely zoned out, and I think I needed that. Like I said, I’m not grateful that my body has put me through utter hell for the past week but I am grateful for the mental break it’s given me and hey, I believe everything happens for a reason, so even through feeling so rubbish I’ve managed to look at it on the bright side and like I said, now I’m beginning to slowly feel a little better there’s a tiny part of me that doesn’t want it to leave, because I enjoy not being able to think. It’s so nice to just have a break and be able to breathe (though in my case I couldn’t because you know, my whole respiratory system was blocked but, you get the idea).

I don’t know what the point of this post was or where I’m going with it but I guess I just wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed just being able to spend time with myself this week watching my favourite people on TV / Youtube and not thinking about a single thing else, it’s been really nice. Just not worrying and overthinking because I physically don’t have the energy to…was so nice. I don’t know. Maybe I need to get ill more often.

I’m kidding of course, but you know what I mean. I’m going to stop rambling now anyway and go back to bed. I’ll see you all in my next post where I (hopefully) feel somewhat alive again. Maybe. We’ll see.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

21 thoughts on “being ill has actually done me good

  1. I’m sorry I’m late in replying but I hope you feel better lovely 😘 I also hope you got my letter 💖 I can understand you so well. I would love to be able to have a switch off option in our brains. It would make life so much easier and better for the ones struggling with our mental health illnesses. I can understand you so well. I have the same when I’m doing some meditations or go swimming or am in the sea that I don’t think of anything and am just enjoying the present moment. I wish we could have more moments of that. We need more peace in our mind if only our brains let us to do that 😔 Always here for you ❤️ love you xxx


  2. I hope you get better soon honey, but I also hope you are relaxing and having dedicated Chloe time. I was off from work the other week and it was actually quite nice to be ill because thats the only thing you can worry about is being ill, no work stress, no mental health shit, just the flu and thats actually quite nice xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you angel 💙 it’s slowly but surely working its way out of my system, just wish it would hurry up !! Completely agree – the only thing you can worry about is being ill and in the weirdest way it’s actually bliss! xxx


  3. Relate to this post so much right now, I was off sick for two days last week and it shut me down but it was so nice not to do anything or think about anything xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As yuck as being sick is, I totally get where you’re coming from. 9 times out of 10, the week after feeling sick and ill is always so great for me because I’m just so well rested. It’s definitely being forced to rest that does it for me because lord knows I wouldn’t rest if I didn’t have to. I think it’s undoubtedly the same with our minds, and sometimes having something as frustrating as being sick is just what we need to just put everything on pause mentally. It’s a funny thing isn’t it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Such a strange thing, it felt so normal / natural that I didn’t even realise it until I was like wait…everything has been so calm and quiet for me lately – why? And then I realised. Completely agree with you on the mind thing too, I think being physically ill is one of the only ways we can force our minds to rest equally as much .xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello my love! I hope you feel better soon. Feeling poorly is no fun, but hey, at least it means you’ve got to relax and watch your shows etc, and like you said, have a nice mental health break.

    Thinking too much is no fun, and I’m glad that even though you were poorly, you got to have this break and focus on simply the present etc, no worries anxieties etc.

    Even though you want to feel healthy again, of course!!! And I want you to get better asap, I hope you can find a way to feel healthy both physically and mentally! Once your back to full health (hopefully very soon), remember this week and how you coped- your brain survived on 0 thinking mode, it can do that again even when you are healthy! This has shown you that really, you don’t need to overthink etc. I know it’s not going to be that easy, but it’s just a reminder that if you’re brain can calm down once, it can definitely do it again! Like you say, everything happens for a reason, and I believe this is here to show you that!!!! You got this Angel! Sending so much love and good energy your way!!!! Good, happier, healthier days are HERE ✨✨✨✨ lots of love! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh you are an ANGEL I swear !! Seriously, thank you thank you thank you 💞 you’re the sweetest ever. It’s like, because my body was physically ill this time it gave my mental illness a break and it was honestly the nicest thing, I didn’t even realise it until a while afterwards. You’re completely right though – it’s shown me I can cope without the overthinking etc. and everything still turned out just fine! So crazy how our minds work. Sending you so much love ❤️❤️ thank you so much xxx


  6. I absolutely love swimming and part of the reason I love it so much is because I’m completely focused on my body and movement instead of thinking all the time. So yeah, I totally understand what you mean, but I really hope you feel better soon ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You know, I completely understand what you mean. Sometimes it is a blessing in disguise to not be able to really think. My mind is my worst enemy most of the time.

    Regardless, I do hope you feel better soon. Being sick is rough. Take care of yourself. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

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