If you know anything about me, you’ll know that I’m a control freak in the sense that I have to know what’s happening in my life at all times. Like, I can’t ever have anything just hanging in the air, I have to know where I stand – with people, with plans – everything. I’d say 50% of this is due to anxiety because I overthink everything and therefore have to know what’s always going on, and the other 50% is due to me just being an organised person in general – I like to know what’s what. I like to know what I’m doing. I always have to have everything planned out – whether that’s also due to anxiety…who knows. Either way, I’m going to look at it as a positive thing because if so, it means anxiety has essentially made me a very productive and organised person. Every cloud…
This also means I need structure in my life, otherwise I feel like I just wander around aimlessly having absolutely no idea what’s going on. I have to make lists. I’m a list person. I’m forever making notes and reminders of things I need to do and the order I need to do them in so that I can tick them off afterwards and stop thinking about them, I guess that’s another anxiety induced thing too. I overthink everything and therefore I have to get it down somewhere so that I can get it out of my brain, and once I’ve completed it I can tick it off and remove that thing from my brain as one less thing I need to worry about. That was the whole premise for this blog in a way, too. So I guess maybe it is an anxiety thing. Anyway, I’m rambling.
I touched on this topic (list making etc.) in this post and I thought I’d make another one, (post, that is, not list, though I guess that too when you hear what I’m about to say). There’s lots of things going on in my life these days and so I end up making lists daily, weekly and monthly so that I can plan everything out in advance and stay on track (otherwise I freak out and feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, but what’s new). So, these are the things I currently have to juggle right now:
- Working full time
- Uni full time – studying, writing assignments, submitting assignments before deadlines etc.
- Studying Korean
- Running the blog – writing posts, creating content, staying up to date on everyone else etc.
- Making videos (this is for something else I’m not ready to share yet but essentially I have to create & edit videos weekly which takes up a fat load of time)
- Staying up to date on everything else in my life! – Socially, keeping up to date with Kpop and everything else going on in the world, social media, reading books, Youtube etc.
Of course, the last point is essentially leisure time – I like to catch up on Youtube, Kpop, social commitments etc. but that still takes time in itself. And then of course there’s other unexpected things you have to factor into the mix like emergencies or sick days and of course, you can’t pre-plan for those. Basically, I have absolutely no time to be doing anything at all and so literally planning my life out has now become essential. I work a full time job and in my spare time (which, isn’t a lot) I have to study for uni, plan and write assignments (multiple at once sometimes because the deadlines are at the same time), study and make progress with my Korean, run this blog and make sure I’m still posting twice a week which means making sure I actually have content to post, so I have to write blog posts that I’m happy with (‘cause you guys know me, I’ll never let myself post anything half-heartedly), upload them on time and then of course I also have to have to make sure I’m up to date with everyone else’s blogs and the things they’re posting because I never want to miss anything. After that I have to make and edit videos (which takes hours at a time) and I also have to make time to reply to penpal letters and read because I always like to make sure I have a book on the go. Then, if I have a single minute left spare after that I spend it catching up on social media, Youtube, Kpop etc. and also replying to people (which as some of you will know, I’m extremely, extremely bad at because if you text me it takes me at least 5 days to reply at a time and if you’ve been on the receiving end of this I AM SO SORRY).
Basically, my life is now crazy. Would I have it any other way? No. And I’m definitely not complaining. It’s chaotic but I love it and it keeps me occupied – it makes me feel like I’m doing something which, I am. But I have to make sure I stay on top of everything and so it’s now a case of planning out each day and week so that my brain doesn’t explode and go into meltdown.
I think I might start writing down goals (so yes, we’re now making yearly lists) of things I’d like to achieve with said commitments so that each year I can look back and be like oh, look what I did! For example, saying I want to read X amount of books this year or I want to be at X level with my Korean this time next year. There’s so much going on right now I don’t even know where to focus first but it’s fun, and I’m proud of myself for not falling behind (yet). Stay tuned to see how that unfolds…
All my love,