not so deep (chatty)

Dear 2020

Hello my loves,

Happy new year !! Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA over Christmas but everything has beenย soย busy, I have so many wrap up posts that I need to finish up so be expecting a few of those in the coming weeks…

I’m not really sure what this post is, I guess I just thought I’d speak some things into existence and tell you guys what my main plans are for 2020 and what I hope to achieve / accomplish in the next 12 months. There are so many things I’d of course love to do, but I’ve narrowed it down to my three major goals that I’d love to work on / achieve this year.

(p.s. – this is also my 300th post! wowie).


Not to toot my own horn or anything but I’m doing really well with Uni so far! I’m so glad I took the leap to actually start a degree because now I feel like my mind is actually being put to use rather than just being on stand still and not doing anything. In 2020 I will have completed my first year which will be such a nice achievement for me like, yay !! You took the plunge and you’ve just finished your first year !! *lots of pats on the back*. I’ll also be starting my second year so hopefully that will go equally as well.


I can’t remember if I’ve spoken about this before (????) I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately because I honestly can’t remember what I have and haven’t mentioned these days – aka I’m getting old. Anyway, as you guys know I’ve been into Kpop since early last year and I watch a fat ton of Korean variety shows on top of that so all I ever hear is Korean, Korean and a bit more Korean. I probably hear more Korean on a daily basis than I do English and I wish I was kidding. Anyway (again), I’ve been studying it on and off for around a year now but over the past few weeks I’ve really got my head down and started to study it seriously. Naturally from hearing it so much and being exposed to so much of it already I’d say I have a good range of vocab which, hasn’t always been helpful as there used to be a point where I couldn’t tell you what the word for table was but I could tell you if there’d been a broadcasting accident. I feel like when you absorb a language through listening / exposure you end up just picking up the most random words and phrases which, is funny when you think about it. Sometimes I’ll use words and be met with a “how do you knowย that???” and it’s like, I have no idea. Someone said it and my brain decided that was the word it wanted to remember. This year I’d like to expand my vocab further and work on my sentence structures and stuff so that I can start being more complex with what I say and I’d also love to work on my speaking because I amย soย shy when it comes to itย so, I really hope I can improve a lot this year.

Love Myself

And last but certainly not least, I want to love myself. Truly. I feel like this year is the year where I could actually potentially do it, which is not something I guess I’ve honestly felt before – normally I just trick myself into believing that I can when deep down I know there’s a super high chance it’s not going to happen. Over the past couple of years I’ve let so many things go, so many toxic habits and so many toxic mental things that used to destroy me and feel like they were rotting my brain and now I just feel like I’m grown. I’m still growing but those darker things are gone now because I’ve grown from them and let them go. I’m still not ‘cured’ whatever that means – I still have my ups and downs as you all know. Some days I feel really great and optimistic and then others my mental health just completely takes over and I feel like I’m never going to be okay ever again. With highs come lows and I just have to accept them and remind myself that when I do feel completely sad, anxious and awful etc. it’s not going to stay that way forever – most of the time a good sleep and a new day ahead of me is a great way to start all over again so, I just have to keep that in mind.

I am feeling really positive for 2020 which, I feel like I kid myself into every year – I always tell myself that this new year is going to be great and I’m going to do all of these amazing things but then it never happens that way and it’s just the same old vicious cycle, but this year I do actually feel very optimistic. I’ve set out clear goals for myself of the things I’d like to work on and achieve and I’m going to work my little butt off to achieve them. It’s going to be a lot of hard work and it’s going to take a lot of time, it’s going to be stressful and I’m going to feel defeated more times than not but I have to tell myself to keep pushing through because Iย can do this, the only person stopping me is myself. I have every tool available to me and I have the ability to achieve and accomplish these things so I have to remember that and grab them with both hands. I have the ability to do amazing things and I really do feel like in 2020 I may actually get somewhere with that, which is a very nice thought.

I hope 2020 will be an amazing year for all of you too because you truly deserve it, I’m speaking all of my positive thoughts into the universe for you ๐Ÿ’ซ I hope this year treats you well and that you all achieve everything you set out to do because you absolutely can and you should acknowledge that. I believe in you. You’re all capable of amazing things.

Here’s to 2020 being a better year for all of us.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

25 thoughts on “Dear 2020

  1. Happy new year to you as well my beautiful girl ๐Ÿ˜โœจ๐ŸŽ‰ I feel positive for you too. I’m sure you will reach your goals! One of mine is to face my fears little by little. I can understand you about feeling highs and lows. We have to accept them. In November I felt the worst ever and now I feel a bit more positive which is so good. Feelings change but when we are in a bad place we think it’s forever. Our minds are complicated. I’m happy you are doing well with uni. You Rock! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ž Also learning languages is awesome. Good luck with everything and yasss to self love ๐Ÿ’– This is going to be our year. I will send your letter soon btw. love you so much ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I 1000000% believe in you and I know you can do it – baby steps are still such a huge achievement, we have to ease ourselves into these things slowly and carefully, and eventually we’ll get there. I’m so glad you’re not feeling as bad as you did in November – hopefully things will start looking up soon. You’re so right, when we’re in a bad place we do feel like it’s forever – I always have to remind myself that it’s not and that tomorrow is a new day and I can start over. For 2020 we got this ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’— love you .xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on peining's thoughts and commented:
    This reminded me that I’ve always wanted to learn Japanese! I guess I should add that for my 2020 resolutions too. It’s also a lovely reminder that even as we try to change ourselves for the better, we must remember to keep loving ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh happy new year! โœจ I’m so glad to hear that and it doesn’t matter at all hehe, we’re all friends here ๐Ÿ’ซ So cool that we’re the same age! When’s your birthday? ๐Ÿงš๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so proud of you. I have been following you for at least over a year now and I have seen how much you have changed even this past year with your writing and your attitude towards life. I wish you all the best for 2020 and hopefully you will be able to achieve all that you want to achieve. Remember to keep your goals specific and achievable to keep focused and not become disheartened! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Hannah:(( that seriously means the world. It makes me so happy that other people can see the change even if I can’t always see it myself sometimes, but I’m so determined to start making things better. I hope 2020 is wonderful to you and that you achieve everything you set out to do also ๐Ÿ’—xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow Chloe, this post is beautiful, genuine and uplifting, thank you honey!!! For all your positive wishes, right back at ya. Your goals for this year are amazing and I am so proud of you, I truly believe in you that you can achieve these three things and SO MUCH MORE and this is 100% your year. We’ve said goodbye to a decade and now it’s the start of a new story. I am so proud of you for your Uni success so far, and I know that you’re only going to achieve so much more with this journey. You should totally be proud of yourself too. Learning Korean is so freakin’ cool and awesome, and the fact you already have so much knowledge is something to celebrate greatly!!!!!! And of course loving yourself, well done babe for prioritising that, you got this beauty and I completely believe in you, and the more you love yourself, the happier you’re going to be. So much love to you Queen, and a very happy 2020, I know it’s going to be your best one yet โค

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much angel, you’re always so supportive !! ๐Ÿ’— I’m so glad I found you in 2019, here’s to a new decade indeed โœจ Thank you for everything, I hope at some point I can be on the same level of self love as you are because you’re absolutely killing it !! Serious goals. Maybe one day ๐Ÿ’ž So much love to you sweet and happy new year, I hope 2020 is everything you ever wanted and more xxx


  5. I’m so happy you’re feeling positive about 2020 and I’m also super stoked that you’re doing well and enjoying uni …and i do find brain remembrance of certain words amusing because it just keep making get looks from people
    Here’s to an amazing 2020 ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is so well written! I am so happy to hear that you have grown.
    My favorite part that you wrote:
    “Over the past couple of years Iโ€™ve let so many things go, so many toxic habits and so many toxic mental things that used to destroy me and feel like they were rotting my brain and now I just feel like Iโ€™m grown.”
    This is so accurate for me personally. It’s like there has been so much personal evolution. Blessings & cheers to 2020! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.