Hello my loves,
Last Sunday afternoon (5th), my phone decided to randomly break. For no reason at all. It just decided hey, the world is going to ruin right now and I think I might join it! And then there I was, with no phone.
I rang my provider and they came to collect it on Tuesday so it could go in for repair, but they said that due to the current circumstances it would take 2 weeks before I’d get it back. I’m not someone who uses my phone a lot anyway (as you will know if you’ve ever messaged me, it takes at least 5-10 working days to get a response each time) so this wasn’t the end of the world, and me being the optimist I am (sarcasm) I realised that this would actually make a good blog post once I got over the annoyance of my phone actually breaking, and why these things always seem to happen to me. Though of course I am very aware there are much bigger and more important problems and things going on in the world right now.
Which brings me onto the actual point of this post – self isolation and no communication. Your phone is basically your window to the world – your access to everyone and everything – like I said, I don’t use my phone a whole lot anyway (much to everyone else’s annoyance) and so normally this wouldn’t be a problem for me…if this was normal life and I was still able to be out and about in the world talking to people, but I’m not. I haven’t left my house for…3 weeks now? And no one knows when this lockdown will end, so to then have my phone – my little access to the rest of the world and the people in it – taken away from me for 2 weeks…it’s affecting me more than it usually would. It starts making me feel incredibly claustrophobic and panicky when I sit here thinking about it for too long, about the fact that we’re all so shut off (or at least I feel) from the rest of the world and I don’t know when I’m going to see people again or be able to drive to work listening to my favourite Kpop playlist again or do anything remotely normal again, it’s all so uncertain and when I lie in bed at night and my mind starts to wander, I can feel myself bringing on a panic attack, because I become short of breath and I feel so trapped and claustrophobic between these four walls and it all gets too much.
So I’m just trying to breathe. It’s typical that the only time I actually feel like I need my phone…it breaks and I have to do without it for two weeks. There’s a knot in my stomach right now just typing all of this out, and I can feel myself getting panicky already. I don’t know why. I just miss people and I miss normal life, I’m not bored in isolation or anything, I’m reading all day and playing Animal Crossing, writing blog posts etc. and it’s great, but I miss people, I miss having face-to-face conversations and laughing and joking about things. I miss real life, not this weird limbo that we’re all in right now. I know it’s for the best, I know that it’s what we all have to do and we’re lucky that we can be safe in our homes, but I miss life. I feel like life isn’t happening anymore, we’re all just at a standstill and I just really, really want my phone back so I can feel at least a little bit more connected to the rest of the world again.
Don’t get me wrong – I still have the internet, I still have my laptop, I can still do pretty much all of the same things I can do on my phone on here…but it’s not exactly the same. I’m sure you all know what I mean. I just feel a bit panicky right now and I wish I didn’t because I don’t necessarily think there’s any reason for me to be, but the knot in my stomach won’t go. Who knew I’d ever care about my phone this much, I barely even use it !!
If you’re wondering what was wrong with it, it randomly just started overheating to the point of like…burning, and then it’d freeze me out and give me the whole “iPhone needs to cool down before you can use it” malarky, but there was nothing that should’ve been making it heat up like that and it just doing started doing it completely randomly by itself, and then I couldn’t use it. Hooray.
I really hope this post doesn’t sound whiney and like a first world problems thing, I don’t care about my phone and it’s not about the fact that it’s broken, it’s just the fact that it’s another form of communication that’s been taken away from me during these uncertain times and my anxiety !! will !! not !! stop !! and I really don’t know why, because I’m fine, but there’s a knot in my stomach that won’t go away and I’m just wishing to have my phone back because I want to feel more connected to everyone again and less trapped and claustrophobic-y in this strange and unfamiliar world we’re living in right now.
As always I hope you’re all staying safe right now loves and I’m thinking of all of you 💞 If you need me you know where I am.
All my love,