coming into your own

I’m really starting to focus on the things that make me feel like myself these days. Not what makes me look the best physically, or what makes me look cool to other people, but myself. Through growth and time, that has become my main priority and the most important thing to me, and I’m embracing it with open arms. Wearing outfits that make me feel like myself, wearing makeup that makes me feel like myself, being myself and doing things that make me who I am rather than shying away from them or not sharing them because I think they’re not “cool enough” or because I think people will find me weird.

I have a video of Namjoon’s speech at the UN on my Instagram because I think it’s so beautiful and empowering and I had to repost it, I wanted it on my page. A guy I was speaking to the other day asked me literally “why I’d uploaded that and wrote a stupidly long caption that he wasn’t even going to read because it was probably a bunch of cringe” and you know what yeah, it probably is cringey to someone who doesn’t understand why I’d do something like that but at the same time, I honestly couldn’t care less. My answer, to quote my own self, was this:

“I’m literally so tired of not doing what I want or sharing what I want because I’m scared of what other people will think. I spent all of my teenage years and my very early twenties constantly hiding parts of myself because I thought it wasn’t good enough or cool enough and now I couldn’t give a flying fuck. I don’t care about being cool or looking cool to try and impress people that don’t mean a thing to me and honestly, what even is cool? Cool is such a stupid concept and honestly, fuck that. You spend your whole school life trying to look cool and then you grow up thinking that’s how you’re supposed to be and I honestly don’t care. I do not care. So, it’s there because I love it and I want it there and if it’s not “cool” then it’s not cool but seriously, I couldn’t care less. I do not give a damn.”

His response?

He said he actually felt really bad after hearing my response and that he was gonna read go back and read the caption, and he apologised. That wasn’t the aim of my response at all, I was just speaking my mind, but I think it made him realise that oh, actually, feelings are important and they matter to people, I think it just made him feel a bit silly and immature, for lack of better wording.

The reason I’m saying all of this is because I used to say things about not caring about people’s opinions because I wanted to genuinely feel that way – fake it ’til you make it, right? But I never felt that way on the inside and I was still so worried about what other people thought. Now however, I do feel that way. I really don’t care. And that’s when I kind of sat bolt upright and was like wait, for once in my life, I actually care about what I think more than other people.

My first point of call was to always worry about other people and what they thought about me, but these days my first point of call is myself. What do I think? What’s my opinion on that? Does it make me feel like me? And that’s all that matters.

I’m starting to wear things and openly share things that make me feel more like myself rather than shying away from them and I’m so proud of myself for it. It’s nothing drastic, there’s no sudden dramatic change in me that would make people look twice and think uh, who’s that girl? But little by little I’m switching things up and as long as I notice it and I know that progress is being made, that’s all that matters.

I just think it’s really nice now that my main concern is whether something makes me feel like myself, and if it doesn’t, I don’t need it. For the first time in my life I actually care about my own opinion of myself more than other people’s, and I’m always my first point of call whenever I want to know if something looks good on me or if it makes me happy, and so on and so forth. I always ask myself first like Chlo, what do you think? I feel like I’ve always gone through life not allowing myself to have a say about my own damn self because other people’s opinions were always more important and held more weight, which is crazy now that I think about it. No one’s opinion of me is more important that my own, but I would still always silence myself regardless anyway.

So uh, here’s to having a voice and an opinion I guess. Here’s to actually giving my own opinions some consideration instead of brushing them under the rug because I thought they didn’t matter. They do.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

16 thoughts on “coming into your own

  1. Hey Chloe! I saw that you liked a couple of my posts so I decided to check out yours as well! Glad I did. Seems like we have a lot in common with our love of kpop and other life views hehe. I felt the exact same way as you described in this post. I find myself growing more and more comfortable with myself as I grow older, in every way. I like weird things and I’m not gonna apologize for it lol. My friends think it’s funny/ silly that I’m a grown woman that loves kpop, mermaids, pink, sparkles, etc etc but you know what, it makes me unique which I love about myself. Glad you feel free to be yourself now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi !! This is such a lovely comment, thank you so much. I LOVE the fact you’re a grown woman and love all of these things – why shouldn’t you?! It’s what makes you you and you should never grow “up” or out of that. Again, thank you so much – sending you lots of light ✨xx


  2. Ahh this is SO empowering and I am proud of you! I am guilty of trying to copy trends so I fit in and look ‘instagrammable’, which I know is so ridiculous because when I was 14 I couldn’t care less what people thought of my outfit choices but over time I have got so insecure and end up copying others. This has definitely inspired me to be more ‘fuck it’ and express myself through fashion so thank you so much! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Namjoon’s speech is one of my favorite things about BTS and it’s whole UNICEF campaign and from one army to another, I’m proud of you for loving yourself and putting yourself first no matter what. It’s definitely a skill set. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable (in a nice way) on your blog! My parents usually don’t let me get personal on mine and I’ve been trying to find other alternatives to share stuff with readers without sharing too much from my side, you’re honestly the only blogger I aspire to be like!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ’œπŸ’œ thank you so much, this really made me smile and wow that is such a lovely thing to say !! I really appreciate it πŸ’œ I hope you find an alternative that works for you lovely! X

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ah yes. Over the years I’ve tuned in to my most true self and sought to act from a place of truth and authenticity. I’ve grown immensely in my confidence and learnt to speak my mind in ways that would’ve stunned my younger self. It feels like freedom, empowerment and radicalism all at the same time. In reality, I’m just a person who has learnt that their voice matters and that a life lived to please others is empty and unfulfilling. That lifestyle is why you hit rock bottom and cannot identify who you are, what you enjoy and who you wish to become. To know oneself truly, you must be comfortable in your being. Thank you for sharing a post that spoke to me so deeply! Hope you are well angel. Good on you for chasing your joy and prioritising it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Couldn’t have said it better myself! You just summed it up perfectly and I couldn’t agree more, I’m not even sure what to add to this comment because you literally just took the words right out of my mouth !! Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad you feel the same way! X

      Liked by 1 person

  5. this was very interesting to read, because growing as a person and developing a voice of my own has been something i’ve been going thru as well over quarantine, and it’s so so fulfilling. i’m really happy you were able to shed peoples’ expectations- they can be so suffocating from personal experience. realizing that it doesn’t matter has to be one of the most fulfilling things ever. thank you for sharing this with us chloe!! ❀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much lovely πŸ’ž I’m so, so glad that quarantine has allowed you the time to do those things! Sometimes just sitting with ourselves and giving ourselves time is the most beneficial thing we can do. I’m so glad you’re feeling the same way, sending you so much love and light on your journey !! ✨ xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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