not so deep (chatty)

the art of starting over

Hello my loves,

It’s the Easter weekend as I’m writing this meaning we have 4 days off, and I plan on being productive for all of them. I’ve written myself a list of the things I want to get done before I go back to work on Tuesday and there’s nothing more satisfying than going to bed at the end of the day knowing you’ve ticked things off your list and are getting closer to ticking off the other tasks that you haven’t quite completed yet.

Something that happened this weekend was the release of Demi’s album Dancing With The Devil…The Art of Starting Over, which I’ve been patiently waiting for and it did not disappoint me in any way, shape or form. If you’ve been around for a while now you’ll know that I adore Demi more than life itself and this album was just everything I could’ve wanted and more, I’m so incredibly proud of her.

I swear I mention this every time I write a blog post these days but I feel as though I’m a little absent from writing now as oppose to what I used to be a couple of years ago, and I want to make a conscious effort to change that because well, I love writing and I miss pouring my heart out and creating art with my feelings. I’ve said it before but I’m not…broken anymore, so I don’t have shattered pieces of my heart to spill out onto the page these days but I would just like to be saying something, and it doesn’t mean it has to be sad, it can be happy, it just needs to have substance. My problem is I think that unless I’m recounting memories or talking about how I felt when I wanted to kill myself, my writing of my feelings has no substance, which I know a lot of people would disagree with but, I know I have more to give than what I am. Unless my heart is being prodded with a sharp knife however, I just can’t seem to do anything with it. I want to change that, and so here I am writing this – one of the things on my to-do list this weekend was not to *write an emotional blog post* because of course, I can’t force anything nor would I want to, but I had a few things I wanted to say and I’ve forced myself to basically sit down and try to say them.

Anyway, back to the point (there is one, I swear) – on Monday I woke up and it felt like Summer. It was March, but it felt like Summer because it was ridiculously hot and there was not a cloud in the sky, and it felt like the world had opened its eyes for the first time since this pandemic started and since the world went on a downhill spiral, and it felt like the sun had opened up its warmth and was like okay, I’m here, I’m back. Things will be okay again.

And it was really nice, and it felt nostalgic and wonderful and I felt so happy because Summer makes me feel lots of things and all of them are good, and then Demi released her album and it’s this kaleidoscope dream of beauty and colour and fascination and wonder and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. It reminded me a lot of Kacey Musgrave’s Golden Hour which makes me feel a lot of the same things.

There’s two songs on it that are the epitome of a dreamy Summer, and I’ll talk about both of them but there’s one in particular that’s really important right now and it’s The Art Of Starting Over. The other song and probably my favourite from the album is The Kind Of Lover I Am – it makes me want to drive with my sunroof open with the breeze flowing through my hair, and it makes me so excited for light and Summer and beauty and everything the world has been missing for the past year as we’ve been doused in negativity and dull, dark days. Things are getting better. I can feel it.

So it was almost like a cleanse, and I love Demi and I hope this time will be the last for her in terms of everything she’s been through and will continue to battle for a long time. I hope this really is starting over for her, and I hope it’s the beginning of starting over for the world and for us too, take a deep breath, close your eyes and just listen. Heal.

“It didn’t take long to realise that the woman in me does not cry for a man who is a boy and he does not deserve this”

“I guess I’m mastering the art of starting over. New beginnings can be lonely, thank God I got me to hold me, starting over.”


All my love,

Chloe .xx

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