Hello my loves,
I cannot believe I’m saying this, but…thank you for 2000 followers.
When I first started this blog back in early 2017, I used to follow people who had really amazing blogs with therefore, a lot of followers, and I was so inspired and used to think wow, I hope one day I can be like that. I hope one day I can have a blog as amazing as theirs.
And now…we’re here. Of course, I’m still the same person with the same blog that I had back in 2017 when I’d only just started out, but my point is that I’ve now essentially reached the stage that I used to look at and think wow, one day I hope that’s me. And now it kind of is, but not in an arrogant way, I just mean that all I ever wanted was to share my words with people who understood what I was talking about, and now there’s 2000 of you here, and it’s crazy and I’m so grateful.
And most importantly, I get to be myself. Always, always myself. This blog I feel is the only place that I am truly myself, and it blows my mind that people…like that. They like me. There’s 2000 people that like Chloe enough to consciously follow her blog and read her words and listen to what she has to say. As somebody who, has never been an outcast by any means, but has always had so much anxiety and self-doubt on the inside about who they are and if people would like it or not…the fact that I get to come on here and be my real, honest, self and people actually like that…literally brings me to tears. I am so incredibly grateful. I can talk about Kpop, music, books, share photos – share art. I can talk about mental health, depression, anxiety, I can talk about really dark places that I’ve found myself in and pray to God I never have to re-visit them again, and no one judges me. I’ve met some beautiful, beautiful people here and have made friends for life, you know who you are. Everyone here listens, everyone understands and I feel heard and I feel accepted and supported and I feel like I’m making a difference by sharing words that would never dare leave my lips in the real world.
Because Midnight Wander, or Wanderer, (depending on where you’re looking) saved my life, and that isn’t some cliche, over-hyped statement that’s meant to make you think this is more than what it is, it’s the truth.
I made this blog because I wanted to start something. I was so lost. So, incredibly lost. And I was the saddest girl in the world, possibly an understatement. I was sad and lost and lonely and the only thing I knew how to do was write, and so that’s what I did. I wrote and I wrote and I shared it and slowly but surely, I found people. I found you. That was all I ever wanted. I wanted to be able to express myself and create things I was proud of, I wanted to share things and to help people and write to my heart’s content about the things that made me who I am, and so I did. And people liked it, and back to my original point but now there’s 2000 people here to witness the flower that as bloomed from the small, tiny seed I was so scared to plant all that time ago. But I’m so glad I did, because this blog was the best thing I ever did, it was the best decision I ever made. I will never, ever leave it. This blog has changed my life and it has saved my life, because when I look back now and see how much I’ve grown (which is such a luxury, to be able to see my growth actually documented) I truly credit all of those changes to this blog, and the fact that I was able to be honest, open and real. To actually be able to breathe and not feel alone, to feel that I wasn’t just shouting into an empty void, to know that for once my words weren’t falling on deaf ears.
There’s a lot of things I could say about Midnight Wander and me, but all the time in the world would not be enough. Most importantly, I would just like to say thank you. For everything. Thank you for listening to me, thank you for all of the beautiful words that you so kindly give me, thank you for supporting me and thank you for getting to know me. Thank you for getting to know the girl who is, Chloe. The girl who was so lost and lonely in the world she thought she’d be that way forever. I wish she could have seen what this space was going to achieve when she took the plunge to start a blog all by herself, when she thought no one was listening. They were, Chlo, and they are. They’re listening now, you are heard and you are seen, and people like you. People like you for everything that you are, they think you’re funny and they think you’re interesting and they think that you write well, and they enjoy listening to what you have to say. I know you wouldn’t believe that if I told you at 16, and 17 and 18 and 19, but it’s true. And look at you now at 23, in such a different place, look at you still here, still writing, despite it all.
I’m not the lost little girl anymore that I was when I first started this blog, but that’s all thanks to you. It’s thanks to this space that I have been given and it is thanks to the gift I have been given of writing, of words. Words have saved my life, writing has saved my life. The only thing I’ve ever known how to do has saved my life. You, have saved my life.
Thank you for saving my life.
All my love, forever and always.
Chloe Luna .xx