Hello my loves,
I answered these questions on January 1st, 2021 and posted about them here. I thought it was only right for me to answer the same questions again on January 1st, 2022, to see how far I’ve come and what’s changed. Because this year I’m typing them up and not writing them, it means I can be a little less personal with my answers, rather than pouring my heart out and having to blur things out – maybe it’s easier that way. Apologies if not.
Questions courtesy of We’re Not Really Strangers.
Here’s to 2022.
What are you currently holding onto that’s no longer serving you? Why are you still holding on? What’s one more step you can take towards letting go?
2021: I said I was holding onto people and their validation, and that I therefore needed to be more secure within myself.
2022: I still agree with last year’s answer, and I still need to work on it. I’m not as bad as I was, but that all depends on how I’m personally feeling about myself – if I feel good I feel strong, if I don’t, which is more often than not lately, I don’t feel strong at all. I can’t really write my real, honest answer for this one on the internet. I’ll just say that I need to let memories go and start putting myself first, which I don’t do nearly enough of and never have.
What was your biggest heartbreak in 2021? What did it teach you?
I didn’t have a heartbreak in 2020 when I answered this question last year, and the thing I did write about I’m completely over now, which is wonderful. In 2021 I didn’t have a heartbreak either, necessarily. I broke my own heart many times because that’s what I do and will unfortunately continue to do, because that’s the way I’m wired, whether I like it or not. My biggest heartbreak in 2021 was myself, and as for what it taught me? I’m still trying to figure that one out. It taught me that I’m even more sensitive and emotional than I thought I was, and that I love hard. Too hard. So hard that it breaks my own heart, and then I wake up the next day and continue to do it all over again, even though it’s hurting me. My biggest heartbreak in 2021 was myself, and the loss of what could have been.
Set a goal for 2022 that excites you. Set a goal that scares you.
In 2021 my goals were to drive to my tattoo appointments and meet the people I said I would, and I can honestly sit here and say that I did both of those things many, many times over, and it was amazing. I’m so proud of myself for it because they were such big deals for me, but I took the plunge and did them and it changed everything. It makes me sad that I can’t set those goals again for this year because achieving them was brilliant, it makes me feel a little empty that I can’t do that all over again because I had such a good time. I can’t write my true answers for this question for 2022 here either, I’ll just say that I need to put myself first and ensure that I do what’s best for me, always.
What did you accomplish this year you weren’t sure you could?
Getting out of my comfort zone and essentially doing the things I mentioned above – it completely changed the whole dynamic of my life and now everything is different because of it. I have a boyfriend, I have my best friend back in my life, I felt healthy and whole and looked after myself and felt confident and beautiful, I met some amazing people and realised I could be loved and liked for everything that I was.
What or who have you outgrown this year? What are you growing into?
I can’t write my true answer for this one here either. I don’t know what I’m growing into. Hopefully myself, I don’t know where that will take me. The teenage version of myself that dreamt and created and had all the time in the world, I hope I’m growing back into her again. That’s the goal for this year, because last year I realised it’s what I needed to do in order to feel closer to myself again, because I drifted very far away from that it felt like, at times.
What’s an important boundary you’d like to set with others and yourself in 2022?
In 2021 my answer was that I wanted to stop projecting my insecurities onto other people, have I managed to do that yet? No. Am I any better at it though? Maybe by about 5-10%. I’m learning and I’m aware of it and know when it’s happening, which is better than nothing. This year I would like to stop giving 100% of myself to people who only give half back, I want to match energy with energy and effort with effort. Stop constantly putting myself out for people who wouldn’t and don’t do the same for me. I want what I want and I should stop pandering and catering to other people all the time and never putting myself first. I’m not sure what type of boundary you’d define that as, but it’s the one I want to set.
What can you thank yourself for this year?
When I read this question I can’t think of a single answer because I’m not sure I have one, which is incredibly sad. I’d like to thank myself for the first half of 2021 because it was what I had deserved for the longest time and finally I gave it to myself because I had worked so hard to get there, it was everything I could’ve ever dreamed of. That’s what I’d like to thank myself for this year.
All my love,