don’t you worry child

Last night I didn’t speak to anyone for the entire night and was left to my own devices because no one was around. I felt very strong and womanly, like I could do my own thing and look after myself. I could rationalise all of my thoughts and be okay with the fact I was alone. I think I’m getting to know myself a lot better recently, I’m spending a lot of time with myself. I feel like I’m becoming better friends with myself and my mind. Don’t You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia came on the radio this morning and I zoned out listening to it feeling a pang of longing. It reminded me of a few things, which I didn’t know were there before. It remined me of when I was 17 sitting at a ferry dock with my brother waiting to go to Paris, I think that song was playing in his headphones or over the speakers of the bus. It made me miss my brother. A girl I used to go to school with when I was 14 told me one day her favourite artist / band was Swedish House Mafia and I remembered thinking how random and almost strange that was at the time, but it’s because they were breaking up and she was sad about it. I remember a boy I went to school with posting the words “there was a time I met a girl of a different kind” as his Facebook status in 2012 and everyone I knew liking it because he was talking about his girlfriend at the time and we all thought they’d be together forever. They weren’t. I felt like there was a tight knot in my chest before typing this and I’ve just taken my hands off the keyboard and now I feel like I can breathe again. Funny how words can do that. I remember looking over my boyfriend’s shoulder as he was typing a text to someone on his phone and finding how peculiar it was that the words from his brain were coming out onto the screen and I could see and understand what he was saying even though he hadn’t spoken a word. I’m trying to rely on people less as unfortunately they don’t show up for you as much as you want them to, and I can either get sad about it and wallow in that loneliness or I can get over it and move on with my day because my heart and my feelings are too important to be wasted on such a thing. I don’t want to spend my time being bothered about things that don’t seem to bother other people – if they don’t care then maybe I shouldn’t either, it achieves nothing and all it does is make me sad and fills me with worry, and my time is too precious to be taken up with such things. Worry about yourself, I think.